The Style Invitational Week 886 Look both ways
By The Empress
Saturday, September 18, 2010; C02
DOPI IPOD: An MP3 player with a bong app
for enhanced music appreciation.
KRAPARK: Dog "recreation"
area.
NIPPIN: Placeholder after a new
piercing.
This one, we think, is going
to be a challenge: Give us a new term that's a palindrome -- i.e., it's spelled
the same in both directions -- and define it, as in the examples above by Bob Staake and by 141-time Loser Craig Dykstra, who suggested
this contest. While we sometimes bend the rules a bit on contests, it really
has to be a palindrome, not a sort-of palindrome. Note that the term may use
existing words or be a word you make up, as long as it's clever, funny, etc.
What we like.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins a very strange marionette
of a fluffy pink animal whose head is an elephant and whose body is sort of
like a cartoon cat's, with vertical stature and nice long humanoid legs and
arms. It also has a bright pink tail that, we found, can end up, when the
puppet's strings are jiggled, on the front side of the marionette, making it
look less like a tail and more like a, well, non-tail. Donated by Loser Dave Prevar, who wrested it away from a little girl at a craft
fair.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (FirStink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per
week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 27. Put "Week 886" in the
subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on
the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The
Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published
Oct. 16. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and
their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries
will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results (more entries
from previous contests) is by Jeff Contompasis; this
week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.
Report from Week 883: Our perennial contest in which we presented you with a random list of
items and asked how any two of them were alike or different:
The winner of the Inker
The difference between a
dental appointment and a Real Housewife of D.C.: For one you use a phone to
make it; the other uses a moan to fake it. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
2. winner of the book
"Five People Who Died During Sex, and 100 Other Terribly Tasteless
Lists": The difference between a dental appointment and the Nobel Prize:
Sometimes you have to wait for a dental appointment. -- B. Obama, Washington
(John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
3. Water balloons vs. the New
York Yankees: No matter how many needles you stick in them, or how big you pump
them up, the Yankees never actually explode. (Steve Offutt, Arlington)
4.A dental appointment vs. a
Real Housewife of D.C.: For the first, the problem might be TMJ; for the other,
it tends to be TMI. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Wit's the difference: Honorable mentions
Montezuma's revenge and
Arlington National Cemetery: With the first, you lose it over and over and you
feel you're going to die. With the second, you die and then they lose you over
and over. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
School lunches and Gulf Coast
beaches: Both are covered in toxic, government-subsidized grease. (N.G.
Andrews, Portsmouth, Va.)
The New York Yankees: Seats
sold by A-Rod. Illinois: Seat sold by a Rod. (May Jampathom,
Oakhurst, N.J.)
School lunches and a Real
Housewife of D.C.: One is often given away and the other is often kept. (Craig
Dykstra)
At Arlington you're
enthralled by the stones; with Montezuma's revenge you're installed by the
thrones. (Craig Dykstra)
Venn diagrams and Montezuma's
revenge: Together, they help explain "null and void." (Barry Koch,
Catlett, Va.)
A Real Housewife of D.C. and
Arlington National Cemetery: In both cases, no one was checking IDs at the
gate. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Illinois and Arlington
National Cemetery: Fixing things will take someone who knows where the bodies
are buried. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)
A dental appointment:
Laughing gas. A Real Housewife of D.C.: Gaffe-ing
lass. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Chicken lo mein and a dental appointment: With either, you try to
avoid it if you're a chicken. (Craig Dykstra)
Montezuma's revenge and
Arlington National Cemetery: One includes cramps; the other, Gramps. (Kevin Dopart)
Montezuma's revenge and a
Real Housewife of D.C.: If those were his only two choices, Obama probably
still wouldn't welcome the Real Housewife to a state dinner. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
The Nobel Prize and a Real
Housewife of D.C.: By the rules, neither can be shared by more than three
people. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The difference between a
dental appointment and the Nobel Prize is that several Englishmen have Nobel
Prizes. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
The difference between school
lunches and Montezuma's revenge: About two hours. (Art Grinath;
Craig Dykstra)
An Elizabethan sonnet and a
Real Housewife of D.C.: With the Real Housewife, nobody's comparing her to a
summer's day. To Summer's Eve, maybe. (John Kupiec,
Fairfax)
Arlington National Cemetery
and your friend's nose: They're both tasteless places to picket. (Joshua Kaplowitz, Arlington)
Your friend's nose is like an
Elizabethan sonnet: Both will be finished after 14 lines. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
The New York Yankees and
Montezuma's revenge: With either, stained pants are a good indication of a day
with lots of runs. (Kevin Dopart)
School lunches and Gulf Coast
beaches: With the first, the sandwich stinks; with the other, it's the sand
which stinks. (Kevin Dopart; Mae Scanlan)
School lunches and Arlington
National Cemetery: Each contains items labeled with expiration dates. (Kevin Dopart)
Venn diagrams are like a Real
Housewife of D.C. in that you're hoping that the subjects touch each other so
you can learn more about them. (Jim Reagan, Herndon)
Next week: Left-Oeuvres